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How important are words in communication?  The generally accepted number is 7%.  If this is true, how is the remaining 93% communicated?

Tone is 38% of communication.  What does this mean?  It means when someone is attempting to communicate with you, the tone of their voice is 5.43 times more critical than words.  For example, when someone says, “Everything is great!” the words (7%) alone do not necessarily communicate what is being expressed.

Everything could be fine or the person could be being sarcastic.  If the tone is sarcastic the actual communication means “everything is FAR from fine”

 

As you go through the “getting gotten” process, listening to the other’s tone is critical. Over time, if you are truly getting the other's communication, it will soften. Usually this is a gradual process although sometimes it is almost immediate.

With 7% being communicated through the words and 38% being the tone, the remaining segment deals with the body.  It is 7.86 times as important as what is said.  How one holds their body, for example, arms crossed or firmly planted on their hips, is a big communication indicator.  In addition, much is displayed in their face.  How dilated are their eye pupils, how clenched is their jaw, how tight are their lips? Dr. Travis Bradberry, has a great article on these percentages and tricks on reading body language.

Observing the body language change as you go through the “getting gotten” process is key to evaluating your progress.  If you are truly getting the other, their body language changes.  The arms will uncross, their jaw will loosen, and their lips will relax. Much like tone, body language is usually a gradual process.

Body language and tone are part of getting gotten.  What may be an even larger part is the other’s “energy.”  Many people are not optimally sensitive to energy.  It is always present, one just has to tune into it.  Being very awake, which is having an acute sensory acuity, is required.

Energy changes human molecules.  For example, depending on the energy that creates them, tears have different structures.  There are three classes of tears: basal, reflex and psychic.  Psychic tears are further refined as tears:  tears of joy and tears of sorrow.  This means they come from basically the same place.

Earthians can cry when they are happy, they can cry when they are sad. Based upon different energy - the individual’s tears are different. The emotional energy that creates happy and sad tears are not the same. They look very different under a microscope.

In fact, companies sell salt made from tears; each has a unique taste. If you want to give your meals an extra boost of emotion you can just season your food with salts made from human tears. They're sold by Hoxton Street Monster Supplies in London. Their website promises magical outcomes.

The point here is not the tears, it is about the human energy creating them.  Whether you are in a crowd or just with a single individual, human energy is being transmitted. Tuning into the other’s energy is critical to the “getting gotten” process.

Feeling the other’s energy does not mean taking on their emotion.  It is much like smelling.  When walking into a kitchen it easy to recognize what one is cooking. The smell recognition doesn’t change who you are - it is just information.

The same is true of energy.  One can just experience it and allow it to provide useful information.  It doesn’t need to affect you, even though it is providing useful information.  Just “be” with the energy. Feel it.

Once this is done, notice how the energy changes when you stay with it. Don’t attempt to change the energy, simply stay with it.  When this is done the other’s energy will change.

The energy will become quieter and more receptive as you hold “space” for it to “be” just as it is.   The other’s voice tone will soften, their body language will open and the energy will shift.  This is the “getting gotten” process.

When someone is in reaction offer no resistance; attempting to explain or justify anything at this time is counterproductive.  Just open your body into a receptive position and then experience the tone of the words and feel the other’s energy.

If questions are being asked, direct your response back to the other.  Say something like, “Wow!  I had no idea this made you feel like this. How did this happen?”  If possible, get the other into their story.  There is almost always a story inside the emotion. Receive their energy, observe their body language and listen to their voice tone.  As you raise your sensory acuity, you will feel where their story is close to the surface.  With your attuned energy, ask them to share it.  Harvey Deutschendorg confirms that energy is important to having amazing conversations

As you are taking in as much as you can, you will experience the other changing.  Just stay with this - sooner or later there will be an opportunity for you to be heard.  Do your best not to jump at the first sign of this opening.  Wait, continue to be with your heightened sensory acuity until you know for certain the other has transformed into a receptive space.

This is the “getting gotten” process.

Don’t expect to do it perfectly; Progress not perfection is the objective.  Prediction: The better you are at this, the better your life is.  When interacting with another, make “getting gotten” your first priority.

 

 

 

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Attorney, real estate developer, businessman, educator, editor, scholar, inventor, negotiator, author, visionary and public speaker. Marshall holds a BA degree from Union College of New York: The Cohen H. Kerr award for the highest academic average at Boston University; Boston University’s Utopia Award and the Maud Folsom Foundation Award which grants an annual scholarship for as long as an individual attends school or until age thirty-five.

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